Growing old gracefully

Posted September 25th, 2005 by Penny Wise

Noel is still adamant I'm trying to kill him off; this time through poisoning his cup of tea. Honestly, it really wasn't intentional! As mentioned not so long ago, I started substituting my liquid hand washing soap with 50% water as learned from the Vault. It does the job perfectly with just the tiniest amount. The only problem is that sometimes the watered down version does squirt out rather enthusiastically, which is just what happened on this particular occasion. As the soap burst forth from my bottle on the kitchen windowsill and splattered on to the bench down below, I do remember thinking briefly 'Ooh, I hope none of that went into Noel's kettle!' I gave myself a mental reminder to check and promptly forgot about it. Unfortunately I soon remembered the next morning when I was greeted with dramatic gagging sounds from the kitchen. I had to come clean about the soap (no pun intended) and believe me, it didn't go down well so soon after the ladder episode!

I decided it was best if I stayed out of his way for a while, so grabbed Mum and headed to town for a 'mum's and daughter's day out'. There was a huge sale on in one of the stores and Mum and I had great fun trying everything on at 20% off. Have you noticed, that if you are on the lookout for clothes and have the money, nothing fits and you come home empty handed, but if you really shouldn't be trying on new clothes because you don't have enough money, everything fits? That's what happened to me. Even though I was suffering from both a bad hair/no make-up day, everything I tried on fitted just fine. Except hipsters. Who on earth invented hipster pants? Presumably someone with legs that go on forever, not short stumpy ones like mine, who has to teeter around in six inch high boots to prevent the fabric dragging along the ground. Obviously not someone who ever suffers from them working their way down their hips and falling down around their ankles. Definitely not someone who has to worry about a spare tyre (or two) spilling over the top. I wouldn't mind, but nobody seems to make 'proper' trousers anymore - you know, ones that do up nicely around your middle? Whilst I don't profess to be a dedicated follower of fashion, the sight of Mum and me staggering around the changing rooms in our various hipsters was enough to put me off permanently.

I really enjoyed last week's Hint of the Week, about 'Growing old Gracefully'. Why should it cost a fortune to look and feel your best? I ran out of mascara the other day and am now on a mission to find the perfect low-cost replacement. I was about to pick one up in the supermarket but put it back when I saw the price tag at $24.95. As a long-married thirty-something Mum of two I decided it had been many moons since anyone had gazed adoringly into my eyes, let alone scrutinized my eyelashes, so there was no way they were going to get $25 spent on them. The last time I bought that particular leading brand, it was the worst one I had ever had anyway. No sooner had I applied it than I went dumbly out to face the world with black panda circles around my eyes. Nope, this time I'm on the lookout for the cheapest one I can get!

PS: A quick update on the 'lump' front - thank you so much to everyone who has sent in kind words and advice for me. Have had two more consultations since and an ultrasound, which has shown nothing sinister (no mammogram though). My GP did explain to me why mammograms are not usually carried out on younger women; the density of the tissue renders the procedure not particularly helpful. I was quite satisfied with this explanation and wished that the clinic staff had been more forthcoming with such information, rather than just making me feel that they didn't care. While everyone is in agreement that there is indeed 'something' there, none of us know what! At this stage we are hopeful that is some kind of enlarged ligament or hormonal problem but have been advised to wait another three months for any further changes. Still not ideal I know, so have an appointment with Fran Sheffield the homeopath for next week. A small price to pay for peace of mind!

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