ForTheLoveOfSorted


Confessions of a Gambler's Wife

Posted October 18th, 2013

So. Huge confession here. Despite being an SS member for must be nigh on ten years - I still have an incredible amount of debt. Well not "incredible" -in the dollar amount so much - it's less than $15,000... But for someone who really should have learnt something in ten years and, considering its bad, bad, bad credit-card-turned-collection-agency debt it's downright shameful. In the time I've been an SSer though - I *have* met and married my now husband (who entered our relationship in a bad cycle of pay day advance loans), we've moved houses four times, each more expensive in rent than the last and had three gorgeous children. We've paid off a car in that time and owe only the aforementioned debts. My husband, sadly, is a compulsive gambler, but we manage that together (occasionally poorly) and he's, what I'd say, a heavy smoker. Having said that, he a Trojan of a worker. Incredibly reliable and loyal to his work. He supports and encourages me in being a SAHM and I really appreciate that and I'm very lucky to have him. While in a perfect world he wouldn't gamble or smoke - these are what they are. If managed well, neither become an issue.... It is a juggling act though but it's through trial and error that we've both adjusted over the years. The balance though is ensuring he doesn't feel as though he has "nothing" because that's when "blowouts" happen. You know... The classic "oh I only have $10. I could buy myself a packet of cigs or I could gamble he money and buy 3 packets..." Which inevitably leads to one of two things.... He wins and *could* buy a packet of cigs, or three, but then thinks "but I could buy six if I double this money" or he just plain loses...either way - he's left "needing" a packet of cigarettes and has resorted to borrowing from friends, family and worse "payday lenders" and of course "puts that money to work"... It's a vicious cycle. We have however learnt to manage it like this. I manage the money. He is given a considerable amount fortnightly so as to feel his 50 hour weeks are not for nothing. (Despite my argument that he has so much in terms of healthy children etc...). Anyway. If managed well - he doesn't need to borrow money and we get by quite comfortably each fortnight. I now buy the cigs in my fortnightly groceries so if "all is lost" he still has his other bad habit and doesn't need to scrounge, beg, borrow or "be stolen from" (those pay lenders are nothing but thieves!) If I look back at our ten years together and how we've coped with this "hobby", I think we're at the best place we could possibly be. As I said before, in an ideal world, he wouldn't gamble, but it *is* his hobby. My friends' husbands spend big dollars on cars, online gaming, fishing, motorbikes, ...even clothes (?!) etc. Some smoke *and* drink... (My husband prob drinks about three times a year - his birthday, Christmas and *maybe* at a wedding???and even then it's 2-3 vodkas and that's it. Lol)... My main issue with gambling as a hobby is not so much the money, it's the "zone out"... He can become so consumed by a bet that he is totally disconnected with what's happening around him. This is probably what causes the most tension these days - although having said that - this is only a real problem when he feels he "needs the winnings" - so again, if all other expenses are taken care of, his gambling is just a hobby again. Also, often I can point out to him that he's headed off to "gamble land" and he makes a concerted effort to come back, so to speak. He is a 40 year old man after all who has gambled his entire life. (Literally ran bets on school sports events - teachers participated too...! Kind of funny really.) Oh. At this point I feel it's necessary to point out - he NEVER touches the pokies. It's quite funny his judgement of these. Rather hypocritical - but somehow in his mind - betting on sports is far less "an issue" than the pokies. He sees that there's "no winning" with the pokies and *thinks* somehow that gambling on a point score or game outcome is somehow somewhat of a "skill". Lol. By that argument, after all the years practicing, he should be an expert! Hehe. I make light, but I (hesitantly) share this with you in order to provide some background to future posts about our quest to achieve that elusive "ahead"... The truth is, my husband isn't the only gambler in our relationship. I do it all the time too... In "Dr Phil Terms" I "enable". But you know what? My husband is kind, loving, committed, affectionate, a FANTASTIC father and a loyal employee. He does need reminders to be a little more thoughtful and considerate - but I do too... So. I hope I haven't rambled too much. Writing this out has helped me to put it all into perspective. I've made some great headway in my goal to manage our money better recently and I will share that in future posts. If I'm game enough. Eeep

Blog Posts by ForTheLoveOfSorted

October 2013
  • Confessions of a Gambler's Wife